Pride Aside

     Like a love song it lingers in the back of my mind, slightly optimistic, maybe even hopeful. Each thought only driving me closer to the edge. Closer to submission. Each key stroke, every note, every lyric speaking to deeper parts of me. 

    Parts of me that I forgot existed. Captivated like a moth to a flame, am I flying into danger? is this just my natural romanticizing of something that will actually harm me in the long run? Does that make me a willing participant?   

    It sounds like I am sad, maybe every scared but it not, maybe it is a fear of myself and my past. maybe it's even a fear of the future. But just like a love song my spirit is comforted, my body satisfied and my mind lingering.    

    Part of me is sure I am the problem here, but is it pride? is it fear? is it longing? Am I enabling my own distortion... Do I ask for clarity? No, I already know the answer but even with my knowing the thought of what if still lingers.     

    It's almost like an unfiltered version through my eyes and nothing more, almost rose colored but tint in the deep hue of magenta like the prettiest pinkish purple the world has yet to see... so am I forcing the red or forcing the neutrality of the blue? Or is it deeper?

    Do I push my pride aside one more time? Do I trust myself again? or would I be enabling something deeper than what I can see on the surface? Do I dig below the surface?    

    Anyways I am going to end it here today otherwise I will keep rambling endlessly. 

    Thank you for reading <3

𖤐 ✦ 𖠷 ✦ 𖤐

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