30 and done with love.

     I have reached the point of no return. yes, it is mostly if not entirely my fault. I wasn't taught what healthy looks like in any shape or form. I wasn't taught what it feels like to be loved without pain. and fall very easily for masked safety. red flags only look pink to me until it hurts and because of all of this and much more I have decided I am done trying with love. 

    I can't trust my choices much less who I choose at this point I believe I will only have a lasting marriage with someone I never fall in love with simply because If I love him that just tells me he is actually not a good person. And no this isn't a good guy vs bad guy commentary. 

    I truly believe my character flaw is falling for the villain. 

    I am almost always guaranteed a heartbreak after I fall, and I am reaching the age where it became a fleeting notion to even fall in love. with that and much more I can say I am finally giving up. 

    I understand my role was to give out more love than I would ever receive and that is fine, but it has now become a burden on my conscious. Also why have I always given more than I have ever received? 

    And no, the universe/God doesn't count because they are consistent and ever loving. 

    No, it's humans and humanity that forsakes me every single time. I'm starting to understand more and more why humans get washed out and brought back every millennium... 

    They fucking suck... 

    Does this make me a bad person? I don't think so i am excluding platonic love (friends) or familia love ... but at this point if there is no financial benefit there is no point to invest my feelings because if they leave at least, I got paid to waste my time energy and emotions.... 

    And now here I am blogging in the middle of the night to nothing and no one.... hopefully one day I get the money to be sad on vacation

𖤐 ✦ 𖠷 ✦ 𖤐

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